saiyuri: (Violent Love)
[personal profile] saiyuri
THIS is what has been eating my brain for like the past two weeks or so.

Title: The Chemicals Between Us
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Leo/Raph
Inspiration: Wasteland by 10 Years, The Bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch, and The Chemicals Between Us by Bush (from which I shameslessly stole this title). All three are great songs.
Betas: ajara_night and michwach (both on LJ) Thank you both SOOO much!
Summary: Its Leo and Raph dealing with their issues. See first the "Inspiration" section and that will give you a good clue as to what's going on here in this fic. This is technically my first TMNT fic (and first smut fic to boot), but I've been too nervous to post it.
WARNING: This fic is kinda dark and does have some blood and violence in it.


It wasn't the first time. It wasn't even the second or third. And everytime it fucking hurt. Oh, not physically, that part of it was mind blowing. No, it definitely wasn't physically. Still, it was like every time we touched, something twisted inside of me. But I always came back for more. Just like one of those junkies on the street that'll do anything for their next fix. Always believing that the next hit will be just enough, that this time it will kill the demon that festers inside. Just one more time, just one more touch, one more kiss, one more fuck.

"So, are we gonna go or not?" I cross my arms across my plastron and tap my fingers, irritated that he's delaying...again. Leo glances at me from the corner of his eyes. There's a nervous flicker in their depths before he regains his composure.

"Just give me a few more moments. I need to speak with Master Splinter before we go."

"Why the fuck d'ya need ta? He already knows that we're gonna see if we can get Don's doohickey from the dump." My eyeridges pull down even further into a petulant frown. He always does this when we go out alone together. Like he's gotta make sure everybody knows our alibi. It pisses me off and that sends a flicker of lightning down my cock. Never got why Leo pissing me off makes me horny. Chalk it up to just another one of my fucked up issues.

He glares at me which just makes it worse. Or better, take yer pick.

"I'll be right back." The words are ground out from between clenched teeth, as he turns, still glaring out of one eye before stiffly making his way to Splinter's alcove.

"Well, just fuckin' hurry up." I grumble as I lean my shell up against the brickwork next to the door. I feel so damn itchy, like if we don't leave soon he's gonna change his mind or something else will come up and this won't happen. God, I feel like a fucking junkie. It's the same litany that's been running through my head since we started this twisted...thing...of ours. No one knows. Well, I'm pretty sure that Mikey has no clue. I'm not so sure about Don though. Sometimes when he sees me and Leo leave together, he gets this weird look on his face. Like he's trying to work the puzzle but he's missing a piece or two. As for Splinter? Who knows? I would like to think he's still in the dark, but sometimes he knows things that we ourselves had no clue about. The thought makes the skin under my shell even more itchy. What the fuck is he doing? Can't he just hurry up so we can get outta here?

I break away from my thoughts when Leo comes out of our sensei's room and slowly (too slowly for my liking) makes his way up the stairs.

"Ya done covering your ass?"

His eyes widen in shock before his composure takes over. He rolls his eyes and huffs.

"Yes, impatient one. Lets go."

I follow him out the door with my thoughts dogging my heels. He hides so much, more than anyone but me would get. We both hide, we just use different methods. I like my anger and he likes his zen-like calm, but it's still something to hide behind. Feels weird to have something in common...but then again, I think we have more in common than either of us want to admit.

I keep trying to shake off my thoughts as we make our way through the sewers. All you can hear is the splashing of our feet and the whispers of our breath. We never say anything during these trips, because really, what is there to say? I'm fucked up, you're fucked up, so let's just, I dunno, fuck? Yeah, that'd go over real well.

Honestly, I don't think either one of us could say who starts it, but there we are, pressed up against the cold stone. This time I've pinned his wrists to the concrete. We never look each other in the eye during these...trysts. Too damn initmate. There's too much that we hide from each other that could be revealed, so we've perfected the art of staring at everything else but each other's face. It's always been our little taboo.

I lean down, biting my way down his jaw and then his neck. God, I wish I could draw blood, but we have to be careful. Any unusual marks could be questioned. I lick my way down to where his pulse beats like a fluttering thing against his skin. He can lie with his eyes, with his controlled breathing, but the frantic beating of his pulse tells a different story. I lick it, wishing I could take it between my teeth and feel the hot blood rush down my throat. It's a thought that haunts me, but it’s still enough to send a jolt of lust through me, making my cock even harder. With every bite, Leo begins to struggle a little more. Did he put up a fight when I pinned him to the wall? I can't remember, it's like my brain's fogged and I'm skipping forward in time.

But this time it feels...different somehow. Or maybe I just want it to be different. I dunno, but even though my brain is screaming for me to stop, I drag my face away from his neck and look at him. He gasps and stares back, but the fear and confusion in his eyes are like a cocktail that's just too potent. I take the coward's way out and lean down to bite his neck again. Next thing I know, I'm on my shell and he's staring down at me.

"What is this, Raphael?"

"W-wh..?" I just blink at him. The fall seems to have rattled my brain and I can't come up with anything more coherent than that. What does he mean? The sex or the fact that I broke our taboo?

He scoffs as he climbs off me, a sneer turning up his beak. For a moment it's like looking in a mirror before he turns away.

"Is this just a fuck or is it...more?" He barely chokes out the last word.

I climb to my feet. Now it's my turn to scoff as I growl.

"What the hell d'ya think it is, Leo? It's a fuck an' nothin' more." I lunge at him and I surprise both of us by catching him and knocking him back on his shell. This must be eating at him just as much as it's been eating at me. Fuck it. Doesn't matter. I pin his wrists again, biting his neck, and thrusting my knee between his legs before he can process what's going on and stop me. Doesn't take long for his brain to kick in. He begins to fight me and the pain of keeping my cock inside makes me even more determined to see him writhing under me. God, I love it when he fights. I swear, I think that if either of us gave up immediately, then this whole fucked up thing between us would end. But giving up has never crossed my mind, and I seriously doubt that it ever crossed his.

We grapple on the concrete floor, rolling through the muck, and not giving a rat's ass about anything but each other. At some point, I must have cut my leg on some of the trash down here because I can feel the burn on my thigh, and I smell the coppery smell of fresh blood. Not that it deters me, because I've got Leo under me and that’s all that matters right now. He's growling and the kick that's meant for my plastron misses by scant inches and that means that now I'm completely between his legs. I grin, sensing the end of this battle and the beginning of another. But before I can even savor what little victory I gained, I'm back on my shell, cursing those damn lightning fast moves of his.

He sits on my plastron, pinning my wrists under his knees. Leo leans down, one hand next to my face and the other grabbing my bandana tails. I expect some smart ass comment about missing some obvious ninja move, but all he does is stare into my eyes. I try to move my head, desperate to get away from that searchlight stare of his, but he uses the cloth as a handle and wretches me back to his gaze.

Fear chokes my throat and I desperately try to figure out what's going on in that head of his. He's just staring, like he could see all the way down to my soul. I refuse to close my eyes and I concentrate on the pain in my wrists as they slowly go numb. The pain unlocks my anger and it returns like a long lost lover, filling me up and dissolving the fear like ice in the sun as I stare back defiantly.

He nods absently to himself, as if whatever he sees in my eyes just confirmed something for him. He leans down and touches his mouth to mine in what could pass for a kiss. But it's not. It's lips, tongues, and teeth. There's nothing gentle about this. There is nothing gentle about us.

Leo leans back and slides down to the top of my thighs, before returning his mouth to mine. His hand slides slowly down my plates 'til it comes to my slit. Even though I want this so badly, I refuse to drop. It's always a challenge between us, first one to drop, loses. His thumb pushes against it, rubbing hard, knowing that I can't resist much longer. With a strangled groan, I drop into his waiting hand. Leo squeezes my cock and roughly pumps it. The dry stroking is harsh, but it’s just what I need and my churr is long and loud.

He leans back from me and chuckles softly. I open my eyes to glare at him, but I'm stopped by the sight of his cock emerging from his slit. He let's go of my bandana and wipes up some of the blood that's still oozing from my leg and uses it as lube to stroke his cock. It steals my breath and I teeter between being turned on and being totally disgusted. But before I can decide which thought rides shotgun, he rears up from his position on my legs, slipping between them while still pumping his cock. My brain finally kicks into gear, and I try to rise up to stop him, but I'm still a little shocked and my movements are too slow. Leo pushes me back down chuckling darkly at my weak ass attempt. Before we started this thing, I would have never guessed at how sadistic he really is....and if I'm honest, then how masochistic I am for ever even going along with it.

He wipes away more blood, pumps his cock a few more times before grabbing my throat and holding me down as he slowly eases into my entrance. I clamp my eyes shut as the pain sears through my senses. Even though I know in the back of my head that he's actually being pretty gentle, I can't stop the slight whimper that creeps out, and I bite my lip viciously to lock out any others that may try to escape. He eases further in and I taste blood. He pulls out and slathers on more of my own blood on his cock. The thought that, damn, that cut must be pretty bad flickers through my mind, before he's back to pushing his way inside me. It seems easier this time, or maybe it just mixes with the pleasure once he bumps that sweet spot inside.

His breath comes out in shuddering sigh once he's buried to hilt in my ass. He slowly begins to pump in and out, stealing my breath and any thoughts that might have been skittering around in my brain. My focus narrows to Leo inside me and the hand that moved from my throat to wrap around my cock.

I grab the tails of his bandana and wrench his mouth down to mine, sliding my arm around his neck, holding him close as he fucks the breath out of my body. He's thrusting so hard, hitting that spot again and again as his plastron is rubbing along my cock. The screaming pain and sheer pleasure roll around in me and, God, it's just what I fucking needed. This, this fucked up thing between us, this is my heroin.

Suddenly it's like everything freezes and I hang on a precipice before stars burst through my vision, the orgasm rocking my senses and my screams echo throughout this damp concrete tomb. I feel Leo shudder on top of me as his climax hits when my muscles clamp around his dick. He groans long and loud and I feel hot cum sear its way through my body. He shakes for a moment before falling on top of me.

We lay there for minutes, days, years while we learn how to breathe. I push his limp body off of me and we continue to lay there in the sewer, refusing to acknowledge each other.

After I don't know how long, he sits up, head bowed and hands between his knees. I wonder what he's thinking about, but I probably already know. Time to get going.

"We need to get back to the lair." His voice is even and calm, as if had just come from an hour of meditation instead of fucking his brother raw down in the half-light of the sewers.

"Yeah." I sit up as well, wincing when the skin over my thigh is stretched, causing the cut to start bleeding again. The thought of what was done with my own blood, heats my face and causes a flicker to shoot through my spent and sore cock.

His fingers glide over my leg, ghosting over the cut and the skin around it.

"We need to get this patched up."

He hesitates for a moment, then removes his bandana and wraps it securely around my thigh and ties it tight. I stare at it for a moment, then raise my eyes to meet his. I get the strangest notion that I've been somehow branded. Well, more so than I already am, considering I can feel his cum dripping out of my ass.
He stands up and offers his hand to me. It's more than that though. The challenge is written right there in his eyes. Could I do this? We've both worn our armor for so long, could I really let someone in? If he's willing to let his guard down can I not do likewise? It's not like we have anyone else except each other.

I take his hand.


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May 2010

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